Learn the language of the South

Before heading south for a vacation, it may be a good idea
to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And we’re here to
help…

Hah Tu Spek Suthun:

BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to
borrow."

Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH – noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.

Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup
truck."

MUNTS – noun. A calendar division.

Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck,
and I taint herd from him in munts."

ALL – noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.

Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in
my pickup truck."

FAR – noun. A conflagration.

Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn’t change the
all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

BAHS – noun. A supervisor.

Usage: "If you don’t stop reading these Southern words
and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"

TAR – noun. A rubber wheel.

Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh
doesn’t git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE – noun. A tall monument.

Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don’t rise, I sure
do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD – Verb. To stop working.

Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."

RATS – noun. Entitled power or privilege.

Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out
rats."

FARN – adjective. Not local.

Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed … must be
from some farn country."

JU-HERE – a question.

Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys‘ coach Jimmy
Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"

HAZE – a contraction.

Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah … haze
ignert."

VIEW – contraction: verb and pronoun.

Usage: "I ain’t never seed New York City …
view?"

GUMMIT – Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.

Usage: "Great … ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"