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Rules for Work

Rules For Work: (Should go over well with your boss.)

Print it out and hang it over your work station…I dare ya!

  1. 1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00
    and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
  2. 2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every
    10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me,
    and advise me at every keystroke.
  3. 3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going.
    It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
  4. 4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies,
    don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and
    opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured
    and lose all use of my limbs.
  5. 5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me
    which is priority. I am psychic.
  6. 6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and
    really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
  7. 7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets
    out, it could mean a promotion.
  8. 8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name
    to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
  9. 9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write
    them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me
    with useful information.
  10. 10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no
    right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you
    refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
  11. 11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could
    really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell.
  12. 12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any
    and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story
    about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being
    such a good manager.
  13. 13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my
    goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of
    living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.