Rules for Work
Rules For Work: (Should go over well with your boss.)
Print it out and hang it over your work station…I dare ya!
- 1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00
and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing. - 2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every
10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me,
and advise me at every keystroke. - 3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going.
It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are. - 4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies,
don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and
opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured
and lose all use of my limbs. - 5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me
which is priority. I am psychic. - 6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and
really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work. - 7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets
out, it could mean a promotion. - 8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name
to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped. - 9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write
them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me
with useful information. - 10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no
right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you
refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them. - 11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could
really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell. - 12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any
and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story
about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being
such a good manager. - 13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my
goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of
living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.
