Joke of the Week

• Tesco Pharmacy

  One day, leaning on the bar, Jack says to Mike "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I’d better see a Doctor!" Listen, don’t waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies ‚There’s a new diagnostic computer at Tesco Pharmacy. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong, and what to do about it. […]

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• Heaven or Hell?

  While walking down the street one day a "Member of Parliament" is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. ‚Welcome to heaven,‘ says St. Peter. ‚Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you […]

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• So much snow

  One winter morning a husband and wife in Denver were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." So the good wife went […]

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• The Handy-Woman

  A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. […]

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• How you earned it

  A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel." "I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the […]

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• I’d like the same doctor that did yours!

  An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very load voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your […]

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• A nun at the local bar

  John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed […]

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• What causes people to have arthritis?

  A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and […]

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• Ten years on a deserted island

  A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It’s not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It’s not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It’s not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, […]

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• The laws of golf

  LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately […]

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