Joke of the Week
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You will forget it
An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, […]
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The Men’s Guide to Female English
We need = I want It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure… go ahead = I don’t want you to I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron! You’re … so manly […]
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Find a girl who’s just like your mom!
George was 29 and still single. All of his friends were married, but George just dated and dated. One day Bill asked him why he wasn’t married. "Don’t you want to settle down? Are you holding out for the perfect woman? Are you having trouble meeting someone compatible?" "Actually," George replied, "I’ve found many women […]
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Let’s celebrate our luck
An English man and an Irish man are driving head on , at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree […]
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Penguin
A man was walking along Hietzinger Hauptstrasse near Parkhotel Schönbrunn when he found a penguin walking along the road. So he picked it up and took it to the local police station. He said to the policeman "I found this penguin on Hietzinger Hauptstrasse, near Parkhotel Schönbrunn. What should I do with it?" The policeman looked at the man […]
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Are the pilots flying blind?
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot […]
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Hairspray
There was a little boy playing in his front yard, and his grandpa was sitting on the porch watching his grandson play. The grandfather saw the little boy pull a worm out of the ground, so the grandfather went up to his grandson and said, "Hey son, I’ll give you five dollars if you can stick that […]
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About computers
A computer was something on TV From a science fiction show A window was something you hated to clean…. And RAM was the cousin of a goat….. MEG was the name of my girlfriend And GIG was your middle finger upright Now they all mean different things And that really MEGA bytes An application was for employment […]
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Greedy monkey
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking the monkey jumps all around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in […]
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Learn the language of the South
Before heading south for a vacation, it may be a good idea to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And we’re here to help… Hah Tu Spek Suthun: BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." JAWJUH – noun. A highly flammable state just north […]
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